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Best Of, Reviews, Sports

Worst to Best NFL Helmets

I have strong feelings about the current helmets of certain NFL teams. Unfortunately I’m not talking about protecting the NFL player from serious head trauma building up over years of playing football. I’m talking about being forced to wear a helmet with terrible logos, mascots and colors. There is one in particular that really gets to me. It’s the Miami Dolphins helmet. It’s absolutely hideous. Before I continue, take a look at it…

Now why is this helmet design so bad? Several things leap out, namely the leaping dolphin. Not only is it cartoonish, it’s also an angry leaping dolphin. It’s also backed by what appears to be a ring of fire that Sea World type dolphins have most likely been trained to leap through. Only, this dolphin here is not leaping through it, he’s leaping in front of it… angrily with his furrowed brow.

The single most disappointing thing about this entire design for such a legendary NFL franchise – the only team to go undefeated the entire season AND win the Super Bowl (sorry Patriots) – is that the best alternative to this sad excuse for a helmet is sitting right there on top of this angry dolphin’s noggin. You see it? The helmet on the dolphin. It sports the same center strip design and colors but with an “M” boldly stated on it’s side, instead of Mr. Chip On The Shoulder Leaping Dolphin. It’s a classic helmet design. Just look at Missouri’s. It’s bold and makes a statement. The current Miami helmet just makes me think I’m watching Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl of Fruit Loops waiting for Ace Ventura to talk out of his ass. Even the teams shorter nickname among it’s fans, The Fins, would surely inspire something that would lift it up from the deep abyss it rests.

Now, as for the next 31 helmets that best Miami’s – here is my criteria in ranking them:

1) When it comes to animals: after-school cartoon look- bad. Sleek, clean and classic – good.

2) Designs wrapping the entire helmet are generally too busy and distracting unless it’s used to give the appearance of the wearer sprouting something like horns.

3) Keep it simple stupid. Keep colors traditional and limited. Pastels and fluorescents are bad news.

That’s it really. So with out further ado, go ahead and click through the slideshow till you get to #1. You may want to adjust the slideshow settings to see my comments and ranking. And if you disagree and want to give your input just comment below. I’ll also be compiling a list of best All-Time and Throwback helmet designs, so start lobbying for your favorites now too.

About Matt Edwards

I will usually rail on a film. Why? Because most films I end up seeing turn out to be garbage. Because the concept of the story was intriguing enough to get me in the seat, I usually get more upset and frustrated when I can clearly see where the film went wrong. I won’t be posting all the time because I actually work, have a girlfriend and don’t need to spend all frackin’ day writing reviews for free. Consider this blog a service to you. You can thank me at a book signing.


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